Don't Want To Be Alone
by Ria D'Arcy
Summary: A young Killua wakes up after a nightmare and, not wanting to be alone, seeks out his big brother Illumi. One-shot.


_A/N: This was inspired after reading chapter 49 of __**LittleQueenie**__'s fic __**Psycho Love**__. The imagery was just too adorable to pass up and I think despite them being assassins there has to be SOME kind of familial bond between the Zoldycks. And if there isn't, I'm perfectly content to remain in my world where whatever I image is reality and I say they all care about one another in one twisted way or another…_

_Either that or I'm just a sucker for brother love. _

* * *

_I tried to run. I placed one foot in front of the other as fast as I could, but always I seemed to remain in the same spot. My mouth was opened to scream but before I could utter a sound I tripped up. My body rolled over the uneven ground, my arms becoming battered as my thoughts spun. As I lay there I suddenly understood; I was going to die. I could not outrun them. I was… going to… die… alone._

* * *

Sitting up suddenly, my heart beating loudly in the silence of the night my eyes darted around the room. It was too dark for me to see anything but I knew I was still in my own room, still on my own bed and surrounded by my own blankets. I was alone.

I breathed a sigh and tried to slow my heart. My hands reached down to pull the fallen blankets back around my shoulders, but my fingers were shaking so much… No, it wasn't just my fingers. My entire body was shaking. I tried to suck in a deep breath but it became broken as I began to sob. My eyes watered. I swiped at them but I couldn't hold back and the tears spilled over. Tears dripped off my chin and I wrapped my arms around my legs.

Why did I feel so cold?

Another shiver wracked my body, but I continued to sit there. I had had a bad dream again. They seemed to be happening so many times now. Every time I closed my eyes… I lowered my forehead to my knees and squeezed my eyes tight as a loud, shuddering sob made its way from my throat. But I couldn't stand keeping my eyes closed, though I did keep my face hidden.

It was so scary! Was this… was this how my targets felt? Were they scared of dying… of being killed, alone?

I brought my arms closer to my body, curling more into myself. I didn't want to think about it! I wouldn't be killed like them! Dad and big brother were training me, so I would never end up like my targets. I wouldn't be killed… I wouldn't die… alone. Would I?

A soft, broken whimper escaped me. I rubbed at my goose fleshed skin. I tried to warm myself but I felt like ice. I shivered. Soon I thought again of pulling my blankets up, cocooning myself in them in the hopes of warmth, but even they did not help. In fact my body only seemed to grow colder.

As I sat there on my mattress, in my empty room, so late at night, alone, I couldn't stop shivering. My eyes gradually adjusted to the darkness and I saw many things by the diluted moonlight. I could make out the undecorated walls; the desk pushed into the corner and covered in chocorobot wrappers; there was the door to the closet on the other side of the room… My heart skipped a beat as I saw it was slightly opened, thinking someone could be hiding in there, just waiting for the chance to kill me when I returned to sleep, before I remembered I hadn't totally shut it before I jumped into bed from a long day of training.

Still I felt uneasy at being alone. The quiet was eerie. The darkness hid much. I just didn't want… to be alone.

Crawling to the edge of the mattress I slid to the floor, jumping as the cold hardwood touched my feet. Was the house always this cold?

I again rubbed the skin of my arms as I stood fully upright, but what was I going to do? I didn't want to go back to sleep, but I was scared to wander around the house. I didn't want to be alone…

I grasped the comforter from my bed, having to pull extra hard to completely pull it off and wrapped myself in the blanket before making my way to my bedroom door. There was one place I could go… it was just down the hall, and then I wouldn't be alone.

The sound of the blanket dragging over the floor startled me at first but when I figured out what it was and my heart returned to my chest, where it belonged, I quickly, but carefully, made my way down the hall and towards an imposing looking door. It looked just like mine, and all the others throughout the house, but this door was scarier than the others sometimes. I knew I wasn't allowed in, but Illumi was supposed to be home tonight, right? So if he's home… if he's sleeping… I should be okay…

Pulling the comforter tighter so I could keep a hold of the edges in only one hand I reached out my other. The metal doorknob was the iciest thing I had felt all night and I nearly retracted my hand, only, it seemed frozen there. I swallowed. Could I turn it? Could I open this door?

Feeling apprehensive suddenly I jumped when I thought I heard a noise from down the hall and without thinking I opened the door of Illumi's bedroom and scurried inside. I only just managed to prevent myself from slamming the door, but I did lean against it as both my heart and breathing was faster than normal.

Illumi's room was really similar to my own. His desk was neatly organized though; pencils and pens neatly arranged in cups and his laptop placed caringly in the middle. He had some weapons hanging from the walls, though I never did think he did that for decoration. Big brother was practical-

A sound of rustling made me jump and I turned my head to look at the bed where a lump was stretched out. Illumi was home. And he had been sleeping…

The lump slowly sat up, dark strands of long hair still clinging to the pillow because of static electricity.

… but he was awake now.

My body shook for an entirely different reason now and I had to swallow down my fear. It was just big brother. Nothing to be… afraid… of…

Who was I kidding? Illumi was scary. But he had never done anything to harm me outside of training. He even saved me one time when I was playing outside and I had wandered too far, becoming confused and unable to find my way home. I had been lost for almost an entire day, but Illumi had found me and carried me home while I cried.

So Illumi wouldn't hurt me now, right?

I jumped again as I saw big brother's head turn towards me, and my night vision had adjusted enough to the even darker room that I could see a little of his features. I couldn't make out much but I'm sure Illumi was giving me a weird questioning look.

"Kil?" I heard him speak my nickname clearly. Maybe he hadn't been sleeping after all… "Why are you here?"

Clutching the blanket tighter, my fingers beginning to hurt after a couple seconds, I opened my mouth to answer but all that escaped was a dry squeak.

Illumi lowered his head and I think I heard him sigh but I wasn't sure as he shuffled over on the mattress. My legs began to feel weak as I began to shake. Big brother turned his head to me and raised his blankets in one hand while the other patted the space next to him on the mattress.

"Come here Kil," he ordered and I felt myself dash forward. I dove onto the bed, dropping my own comforter along the way. Illumi settled the blankets around me and lay down. He turned onto his side and I felt my fingers curl into the material of his shirt. My body was still shaking but for the first time since I had woken up I felt a little bit of warmth seep into my body. Illumi settled one arm over my waist and I could feel him shift around until he found a comfortable position.

I pressed myself closer to him, laying my head onto his chest and feeling the steady beat of his heart. Big brother was so warm… Slowly my eyes drifted closed and I felt exhaustion seep into my body as the cold ebbed away. I felt a breath stir my hair but I didn't care. I wasn't alone anymore.

Without noticing I drifted off into a dreamless sleep, content to be wrapped in the warm arms of my big brother.


End file.
